Tuesday, March 30, 2010

sucks

I can't even orgasm. The few times I've tried to masturbate without derek, as soon as I am thisclose to cumming, he pops in my head and I lose all desire and am completely turned off. Instantly sad and all worked up physically with no release.

He tried talking to me. And I ignored him. Later that night dave wanted to vent hop, and we ended up on trc vent in a channel with him and kayria. Neither of them said anything so we just continued our ridiculous conversation about toothpaste and black guys. I know he was there, listening. I know he watches /2 and sees me. I know he's keeping tabs on me trolling. Does he know I'm only doing it so he gets mad enough to want to whisper me and tell me to shutup or call me a whore, just so that he's talking to me?

I wish he would stream so I can log in and out and see if I'm on his friends list. But it would break my heart if I'm not.

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