Today is a slow day. Last night I made zucchini bread, and the boys devoured it, so I made a second batch today, it's in the oven now. Started Hook last night, left partway in for wow and boy was that a mistake. As if that wasn't obvious. I don't know why I keep thinking it will be okay--it will never be okay. Got in a huge fight with Derek...which ran the gauntlet through the night from terrible crying hating myself thinking about how fucked up my family is to awesome amazing he is so sweet and loves me I think back to he put up a wall and that ended it. I am finally serious. I am done. I am setting the ball down, I am walking away from the mound, I dropped the ball off on his side of the court. Time for me to let time work how only time can.
Got some bad news last night. Wes has been in boot camp for two weeks and he just found out he failed his drug test. He's supposed to come home today, he is supposed to call RJ and have him come get him from the bus station, but no one has heard anything yet. It really blows because Wes stopped smoking at least three weeks before he left; he ran 4-6 miles every day and drank gallons of water, he piss tested himself at his job before he left (and he worked at a parole office doing piss tests so...)...there is no way anything should have been in his system still. The only thing I can figure is that there is a greater plan...there is a reason Wes is coming home. In his letter he said that he thinks he won't be able to live at home, and if he can stay with us. Of course he can stay with us. Kevin feels a bit responsible, because they still smoked around him...but I don't know that they can blame themselves. Who knows, honestly.
And now I'm wondering if this is all some kind of sick joke...stress on top of stress. Sigh.
Alright, going to do something productive today...fold clothes, maybe.
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