Thinking.

So I'm thinking of dying my hair brown.

Why? Why would I take away this red?

IDK I need a change! Something to stimulate me into wanting to get ready in the mornings! To do my hair and put on some makeup and look like I care about what I look like.

So it hit me pretty hard yesterday just how much like my mother I am. I guess in the good ways, but it worries me that I don't see myself like her in the bad ways. I don't want to be anything like her. But she used to be a good person. There used to be things about her that I liked. Just nothing about her now. Families, man.

Epic to do list is not getting done...mostly because when I get home Kevin is going to sleep, and Donnie doesn't wake up til after I go to bed. But it's my weekend, this to do list is a week old, and I'M GOING TO DO THINGS!

I went and got the rest of my stuff from my dads yesterday. My room is totally empty. I got one of my outside cats, Emma, the orange one, and I'm fairly certain he's run away from this house already. He was my favourite.

This house is so dusty. I cleaned the ceiling fans not even two months ago and they are caked in dust again. Ugh. And the air filter is so nasty after a month it's not even funny! The carpets are stained again. I'm thinking next payday I'm going to try and con everyone into pitching in 10 bucks to rent the shampooer again, to do the living room/hallway again. Work work work work.

Donnie has to work today so if I wake up I should have about three hours to myself in the house. I can do anything! Clean everything! Oh that is what is frustrating me about life lately. I feel like I'm the only one doing any housework. Donnie takes out trash, Sherry does the front yard, I do dishes. But along with dishes I also clean the counters. And then sweep the floor. And donnie NEVER takes the trash out when it's full...it usually sits there full for a day or two and trash starts piling up on the counter and then you can't empty food into it so bowls of food sit around and it's just GROSS. So last night when I asked Donnie when he was going to take it out (after it being full for two days) he said, when are you going to wash the dishes? And I said I did a full load last night. And then I did another full load, including his dishes he said he would wash. And guess what.

The trash is still sitting there.

Agggggggravating!

My phone wasn't charging, so I was without it for a whole day! And it broke my car charger. But I got a new one yesterday, I've been using it to charge my battery. I just need to transfer my info over and activate it. But I'm lazy.

I've gotten four bags of books to donate to the Friends of the Library sale. And I'm thinking of just going ahead and donating all of the cds I don't listen to in the car; they're all on my ipod anyway. Getting rid of clutter is sooo nice! Except for when it gets into the sentimental stuff, or stuff from grandparents etc, because I think about how they don't have much money but they sent me such and such, so how can I get rid of something they spent money on? But really...that money is gone, and holding onto the artifact doesn't bring it back. It's just strenuous sometimes.

My next project is to tackle the two rubbermaid bins full of clothes in the back of my closet. You know the ones--the shirt you wore twice and love but don't want to wear, the out of style things, the things with tags still on them that you like but have never worn; the clothes that you will NEVER fit into unless you lose 800 pounds, the clothes you bought for a certain event and have just held onto. I seriously have clothes that are like 14 years old. THAT is something where I am just like my mother and I HATE it. But donating to Goodwill will make it ok. Right?

My room is a total and complete mess and feels so much like how I feel my room should be. But it's not me anymore. I like that. I like that I want my room to at least resemble cleanliness and look neat...ish.

Taking a semi break from Warcraft. I didn't log on at all Sunday night, started to tackle this ginormous pile of unread magazines I have. And this past night I did the same, cleaned some, hung out with my roomies, read, and logged onto WoW only long enough to do a few dailies. I miss it, but I know that I'm going to be leaving it eventually. How much more time do I really want to waste? I think I've logged 41 or 45 playing days so far. That's 45 times 24 hours. That's over a thousand hours. That's like enough hours in a year for a 401(k). Granted, mine is spread out over 19 months. But that's just the one character.

/needsalife

I miss John a lot. I don't want him to see me like this though. I thought I had gained a lot of weight, but when I got on the scale last night I was 245. So I've only gained like 15 pounds in two years, but alllll my muscle has converted to fat. I am a WHALE. It's horrible. So starting yesterday I ate healthier, and I did some light exercising, some crunches reverse crunches push ups side crunches and some curls with a free weight. Also I've had the dog for a week now, and taking her out constantly and walking her a couple blocks at night. So baby steps all in the right direction. I think I've decided to not eat any fast food at least until September. Which shouldn't be hard considering I don't have money anyway and haven't really been eating out.

So. Life continues. It remains drama filled and not at all the plane of peace I want it to be. But it's my life and I love every minute of it.