Oh. By John I meant John Harris, from the pet department. Not my bff John or John Gabriel.

Felt like claryifying.

The dog is under my blankets, so cute. I woke up at like six thirty this morning, she was trying to burrow in my legs, so I had her come up to my torso and just covered her up under the top blanket. I have three on. No heat in our house. I've got a space heater, but it's not THAT cold yet. Blankets work fine. Need to clean my room so I can get the electric blanket out. It needs washed, cause it sheds really gross still, but I was thinking of putting it under my fitted sheet instead of on top of me. Seems more green, so the mattress gets warm and stays warm, instead of half the heat going into the air, ya know?

Bachelor party today. Don't know what I'm going to wear. We actually don't even know what we are going to do yet. Probably dave & busters. Need to figure out what to wear & get all my various credit cards together.....just in case. Never know what you may need!

David let me borrow Arrested Development. Watched the first two seasons, friggin hilarious. Good show. Got the last season here, but I've been reading Watchmen & WoWing it up. I'm a lvl 65, but I haven't been levelling. Just been goofing off and doing non XP stuff.

Had to do the pulls for Pharmacy last night. Guess who was there. Gross. I really got upset. He had a Halloween/bday party this past weekend, and EVERYONE went but me. David & them started getting ready while I was at their house....it really hurt my feelings. And of course all the pics....they had fun. :( Then of course Douche Bag is coming to the wedding, and Eric's having a bday party next week and he invited all of us....it's like, I thought I could handle it? But I can't. It really really hurt. I guess though more time is needed. I'm not looking at his myspace, or purposely going by pharmacy needlessly, or doing stupid things. Not talking to Kevin. He is short with me when I try anyway. Well, he's the same, I just look deeper into it trying to make something of nothing.

Daniel took me out of his top friends. And he's ignored a couple attempts at communication. Wonder if it's because of me or because of what happened with David.

Worried about Pretty. Riva said she's in a bad way, caught up in a bad crowd. Had to send her to a group home for a while. Poor kid.

Hoping AT&T gets on the ball. Haven't got much money left, just my Walmart stock, and that is down of course so I'd be losing some money....don't want to do that. I have gone much further than I thought I would, though, so that's good. Getting a few extra hours at work every couple of weeks, which is helping out A LOT. And gas going down is totally awesome too--saving like ten bucks or more a tank, so that's more that I have to live off of.

When will this all end? When will I be able to just be?

Never. What would be the point.