From 11*04*07

Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility. --Kahlil Gibran

I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. --Lao-tzu

Just went to the park with Morgan and Abram...and I loved it. I find myself finding more and more everyday this huge sense of not only craving, but also loss about Pennsylvania. I wish I could have it, that I could be there and have so much of what I feel is missing. I feel like life would make more sense if I were there and not here.

I wish I could talk to Richard! I don't know if I can handle waiting until Wednesday!

So...I think we find ourselves wondering how far do we allow new people to go? How much give do we give them without knowing who they are and where we can draw a line? Who would have thought that a simple phone call and a message that should have been lighthearted and heartwarming would lead to a complete weekend of despair and regret? It wasn't meant to be what it was. It was meant to be "hey, I'm making fun of you because you never remember anything but I ♥ you so much that it's ok and I won't hold it against you, i'm not even upset." But instead...we come up with today. And the only person who really knows what's going on is ignoring me. So how do I make him talk to me?

I can't make him. I can ask and request. But I am going to respect the outcome. It is for us to make the effort. The result is always in God's hands. (mahatma gandhi)

What is going on with me these days.

I know what it is. I'm trying to pick up with you where I left off with someone else, but I don't respect the fact that you aren't ready for the serious commitment of it that I am. And that's ok. But I need to know that you're willing to commit somehow. But we don't want to be serious. We want to be fun and friendly and full of laughs and learn about each other and create a mutual feeling of awesomeness.

Oh boy.